The Only Way through...

artwork and text by Ari

Grief after a loved one's death will send us into a darkness that sometimes seems never ending. We get tired of the pain, we get tired of fighting just to take another breath and get through just another day without them. Sometimes we want quick fixes, we want to feel better fast, we want to get back to our normal life before it imploded because of their death.

When my son died I laid in bed and thought what's the point, he is gone, and will be gone tomorrow. I wanted to turn my face to the wall and stay there.

When I did get up I wanted to heal as quickly as possible. I tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I tried to smile and continue with my life as usual. I kept thinking “it's been months, why don't I feel better?”

I thought by sidestepping the pain that I would be ok, and I was for a while...until I wasn't.

I had to learn that grief cannot be denied, or rushed, or ignored. I had to enter my dark tunnel before I could get through to the other side.

Of course on the other side his death still hurt, I was not magically healed from it. But as I traveled with my pain, as long as it took, I learned that it does ease some, the journey takes a long time but if we don't take the first steps into the darkness we won't emerge from it. We will stay stuck in our pain.

I had to go through...to get to the other side of my darkness.

Don't turn away from your dark tunnel. You CAN emerge on the other side eventually. It is by taking those first steps into the darkness that you will start to heal, slowly yes, but heal nonetheless.

Wishing you peace. 
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