Q&A series: When will I feel better?

The truth is grief is different for everyone but, in general, the pain of loss will be with you for some time to come. How could it not be? Loving someone is an investment of the heart. When that someone dies, the heart hurts and hurts badly. However, moments of healing begin almost immediately. It is difficult to see them at first, but they are there and will be a comfort as time goes by.

Look for them. Knit them together until they begin to fill the ragged holes that have been torn in the fabric of your life. How? Seek support. Talk to people who understand. Rest when you need to rest, and stay active when you can. Find positive things to do, even if they don't seem to matter much. And take very good care of yourself. Eat healthy foods, and drink plenty of water.

This is a good time of year to start a gratitude journal. What are you thankful for today? My first thought today was "I am grateful for my warm bed and blankets." It's very cold outside. Something so small as a warm bed or a blanket can bring a touch of strength to your heart. A neighbor's smile. A card in the mail that expresses understanding rather than holiday glitz. A cup of coffee or hot tea while watching a cardinal outside the window. 

Give gratitude. Do something for someone else to make both of you feel better. Make an appointment with yourself to grieve. Maybe you can think of a few other things when you know you have a set time and place to address the darkest thoughts and pain.

Treat yourself gently, and trust that you will feel better. Healing is possible. That does not mean letting go of the love we have for those no longer with us. It means nourishing that love and carrying it forward into a life that  is worthy, that is lived in memory of someone very dear.