by Jan McDaniel
(2008)

Just for today, I will light a candle that smells like lotus blossoms.
As I watch the tiny flame, I will imagine it fighting back the darkness of great sorrow.

That’s power.

I will remember your touch.
A gentle hug, the way your hand reached out to me in times of pain.

I will listen to soft music and practice my original blend of Qigong, gentle yoga, and Pilates.
I’m not good at any of those, but that’s okay. I have to move or I won’t be able to move.

I’ll try to eat color. I may have to pretend I’m a squirrel scavenging for what’s available,
But nourishing my body is a need, and I will make it pleasant, just for today.

I wake up too early, but I’m finding not trying so hard helps.
Just for today, I’m giving in.

And I’ll cry, probably, at some stray thought or when something reminds me of the life I used to have.
I will share heartbreak, be inspired, and draw a measure of strength from the words of others.

It is overwhelming to think of all the fresh, new grief and how many people have experienced what I have, but just for today, I will try to love myself and my new life.

I will forgive myself today. Just a little.
And I will tell myself that I will find something within me and in the world that is worthwhile.

There may be “bigger” things I must do, but no matter what they are, I will focus on these things, 

Before I go to bed, I will listen to a guided meditation about a garden and imagine myself there, stepping down five steps – slowly – into the arms of my love.

That’s love. That makes me feel good.

​Just for today, I will light a candle that smells like lotus blossoms. 

Helping during the pandemic crisis can be as simple as donating items to a food pantry or giving blood to the American Red Cross. There are many ways you can get involved and make a huge difference. 

Getting help might look like a call to a crisis line or connecting to an app offering free assistance to businesses. 

The article below lists many things you can do and ways you can get assistance in each category. Hold on to hope. The weeks to come may be some of the worst we have seen, but you are not alone. 

Coronavirus: How to help and get help (cnn.com)

by Jan McDaniel

During a period of great stress and loss, it can be very difficult to focus enough to just "be." Negative thoughts and painful emotions tend to circle in a relentless loop. Yet, we need to be still and let go of worry and anxiety if we are to rest and/or sleep.

Apps with guided meditations or peaceful sounds like rain are effective for some. The sounds or visualizations offered give the brain something else to do that will not be too distracting.  Physical benefits, such as lowered blood pressure, can result, too, even after the meditation ends. 
Practicing every day increases a feeling of peace and decreases the time it takes to relax. Just as physical exercise is an important component to a healthy lifestyle, dealing with stress is important for mental wellbeing.

All it takes is a little time. Start with five or ten minutes and increase to thirty minutes or more. Choose a time of day and place where you can relax and won't be disturbed. Early mornings on waking or at bedtime are excellent choices.  

Never tried this coping technique? Listen to Way for Hope's softly whispered meditation for healing to get started.
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by Sandy Walden

As I was leaving the grocery store I saw a man loading groceries into the trunk of an elderly woman’s car. I heard her thanking him and he walked away with a smile as big as hers.

As she began pushing her grocery cart to the stall, another man came up to her and asked if he could return it for her. Smiles all around again.

We hear of vile actions, cruelty, and hate. My hope is that we also notice simple kind acts and share them with the same enthusiasm.

My very good day now feels even better.

So much caring, kindness, and love. May it grow and expand.

Namaste,
Sandy Walden
Master Grief Coach
To schedule your Discovery chat with Sandy, use the link below.
https://sandywalden.com/contact/

Some of the best support for healing comes from the words of others but also from books, articles, and resources.  Way for Hope's Recommended page hosts quite a few books about grief and healing for adults and children and anyone who is trying to comfort children and teens and help them heal. One example is Something Very Sad Happened for toddlers and preschoolers by Dr. Bonnie Zucker. a licensed psychologist in private practice in Rockville, Maryland. She specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders in children and adults and utilizes a cognitive-behavioral (CBT) approach. 

Titles for adults include books like Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing in Your Heart by Allen D. Wolfelt and a companion journal by the same author. He is the director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and writes the "Children and Grief" column for Bereavement Magazine.

These books make good gifts to people in your life who are hurting. Begin or continue your healing today. Find these and more HERE.

​Here at Way for Hope, we understand this year is different. Reminders of your loss are in every song, decoration and card, and sometimes these bring a smile and bittersweet tears. Sometimes they bring pain. But we want you to remember that you are not alone. Others care about you and want to help on your healing journey.

Your life is changed, but you matter.

Healing is possible. Love outlasts pain. The future is unwritten. The impact your loved one had on you and on the world still goes on, in everlasting ripples reaching out in wider and wider arcs.

​Wherever you go, in whatever you do, you can honor that one who is still so dear.

Wishing you peaceful moments,
​Jan

Note: If you would like to print this card and add your own message, click here. All you have to do is print the one-page .PDF file on cardstock, fold it above the graphic, add your message inside, and give it to someone who needs to be remembered. (Envelope not included).

​DIY Envelope: How to Make a 8.5-inch by 5.5-inch Envelope - YouTube

​Thanks to writertype.org for technical assistance.

by Jan McDaniel

When it feels like you are trying to accomplish something that is way too much for you, where do you find the strength to continue? 

It might be through other people - family, friends, even strangers - or by turning to your Faith. Many people tell me it is prayer and Bible reading that give them the strength to go on. Sometimes, it could be by helping others or taking time to make a gratitude list. 

All of the above are on my list, plus things like music, working on a project or piece of art, And nature. Walking through the trees or sitting beside the water can take you away from your problems and worries even for a few moments. It is those moments that bring restful healing to body and mind, so incorporating some of these things into your day - each day - should help you grow stronger.

Here are a few more items you might want to add to your list:

*Work on being self-aware. I know you have a lot to do, but a few minutes of journaling about why you reacted the way you did this morning or reflecting on what parts of yourself make you happiest are worthwhile.

*Encourage yourself. Stop focusing on the negative thoughts that make you feel trapped. Think about the positive ways you interact with the world.

*Give yourself permission to more forward in ways that show who you truly are.

Need a simple way to get started? Read Daily Ways to Survive the Holidays, and make an effort to do one of these suggestions each day. Soon, you will have your own list of strengths on which to rely.

by Sandy Walden

​When we have a broken heart we are well aware that we are missing the one we love.

Part of this grief is saying goodbye to our expectations.

If you had asked me prior to my son Mike’s death where I expected each of my boys to live when they were adults, I had some pretty specific expectations.

I was sure, absolutely sure that my eldest would go into the military and then settle somewhere else. Which is what he did.

Regarding my middle son, I felt convinced that he would travel the world, and settle down far away. Most of that has been true, he has traveled extensively and lived quite far away for a long time. He now lives much nearer.

And then there’s Mike, our youngest son. For some reason I had it in my head, and it was quite firmly planted there, that he would always live near to my husband and me. For some reason, this expanded quite a lot in my imagination, I was pretty sure he would marry either a nurse or teacher; she would have a great sense of humor and patience and they would always be in our lives in a very active way.

I fully expected that all of my sons would outlive both me and my husband. I expected so much, and it’s now changed.

There is still opportunity for my expectations regarding my two eldest sons to be edited, if you will. To change and evolve. However, I have had to say good-bye entirely to what my expectations were for Mike. Wowzer! This was not easy or fast. Like most aspects of grief and grieving, it’s been a process.

What expectations are you mourning?

I encourage you to give yourself grace and allow the opportunity to become aware of what you expected to unfold as well as to acknowledge that things are different. Very different.

One step at a time, we walk this path, through grief and into healing.

---
Visit Sandy's website to learn how she turned her personal tragedy into hope. She now helps other people who are grieving as a certified grief coach. When you are ready to begin your healing journey, reach out to Sandy for your complimentary consultation: "Together, we walk through grief, into healing."
​

​"From the Garden is a collection of twelve short devotionals reflecting on gardening metaphors found in the Bible that offer us lessons in spiritual growth."

This short, easy to digest book would be a great gift for anyone interested in growth, gardening, or both! 100% of proceeds from this book are donated to the author's home church, Villa Rica First United Methodist Church at the Garden. (Print copies available at Amazon)

Here is an excerpt:

The Mystery of Growth
By Bonnie McClure
 
There is some kind of magical mystery to growth. As a gardener, you can get all the tools, use pH balanced soil, control all the variables like water, sunshine, and nutrients, but as humans, we still have not gained the capacity to actually make something grow. I cannot simply tell my squash, “grow three measurable centimeters today! Tomatoes, sprout five new leaves before bedtime tonight,” while my plants might enjoy the conversation; my breath would otherwise be wasted.
 
Likewise, my seeds do not await my instruction to begin growing. Once they’ve been cast into the fertile soil, many microscopic processes begin to unfold that I’m either unaware of or cannot physically see. But, as the parable below states, while I am waking and while I am sleeping, we know these processes are at work, because one day, I walk outside, and the empty ground where I had buried my seeds, has now sprouted forth something entirely new.
 
Growth is an organic process that reveals what is inherent under the right conditions. If we create all the right conditions, we are often rewarded with life giving fruit. Sometimes, even when we think we have created all the right conditions, our efforts still do not prosper, and we know it may just be that it is not the season or some other yet unknown criteria has not been met. In this case, we go to work reflecting on what that may be and we try again with new information.
 
While the growth process remains somewhat of a mystery to us, God understands every single, minute step. In accordance with His divine plan, it is He who coaxes every vine, every leaf, and every fruit into existence. He is also responsible for every millimeter of our growth. He graciously invites us to participate in this process, but ultimately it is He who makes our garden full grown.
 
Mark 4:26-29 (NIV)
26 He also said, “This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. 27 Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. 28 All by itself the soil produces grain—first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head. 29 As soon as the grain is ripe, he puts the sickle to it, because the harvest has come.”
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by Ari

As the holidays are approaching, my sadness over losing my boy has increased. These moments come when they want, there is no scheduling grief. I wake up with him on my mind and go to bed the same. Sadness follows into my dreams on some nights. Today I woke up with tears on my pillow.

But out in nature I find some relief, some bits of joy, because it is here that he finds me, it is while I walk that I feel him close. You see all I need to do is look to the sky, and if I'm lucky I will see that which reminds me of him... a beautiful white seagull, wings outstretched painted golden by the sun! It will circle me, calling out sometimes, sounding so much like “Mom! Mom!," and while I stand and watch I feel my son's spirit, telling me that it's ok, that he is close always, that I don't need to be sad. He is close.

Finding this connection came early in my loss. I don't know why a seagull except that every time I walked, tears running down my cheeks, missing him, my heart breaking, I would see one. They came each and every time, and the sight of them brought me a measure of comfort. They have become his sign. I don't mind that that sounds silly. My family first made fun, laughing when I would bring it up. Now, over six years later, they will point to one flying by and say hi!

Making connections with our loved ones that have died is yet another tool in surviving this incredible loss. We believe what our hearts tell us, there is no right or wrong. We believe. Find your connection today. Survive for yet another day. The pain still will come, as it does for me, I know that will continue to happen until I can hold him in my arms again, but it does soften over time, and with the belief that they are still here, in some form or another. 

Find that connection!
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