Who will take care of you after you lose a loved one? Taking care of ourselves, especially when grief is new, may be the only option after the first few weeks. Well-meaning friends and family members may return to life as they knew it or may be uncertain of how they can help, but you have suffered a deep wound that can delay healing. When the loss is by suicide or other violent or unexpected means, the impact on your life is probably going to be filled with thoughts and emotions that complicate your recovery in many ways.
How do we find healing? What gives us strength? Is anything able to break through the pain and numbness? What are the steps toward a life in which we can laugh, experience happiness and remember our loved ones with gratitude? Though each of us is on a unique journey toward healing, there are people who understand and who can help. Where are they, and how can their experiences help you? This tangle of questions can be unraveled - a bit at a time - through comfort, connection, and caring.
Seeking comfort in our homes, in nature, or through small projects like making a memory garden or working on anything with our hands provides a calming influence. Something still within our control at a time when life is out of control.
Whether you join an exercise class or just make sure you are drinking plenty of water, that kind of care nurtures healing of both body and mind. Some things are very simple and may sound too easy to do much good, but I believe it is the moment by moment comforts that begin to bring healing into our lives. A cup of tea, a pretty journal, a massage appointment are not selfish. These things are essential. And they help us slow down and focus on the present moment.
When I moved to a smaller house, I had to leave the sauna room I had created. Working on putting it together and finding things that added to the peaceful feel of the room was the best part.
So I was sad that there wasn’t room for that in the new house. But, me being me, I found a way. I put a small electric infrared heater in one of the bathrooms. A few plush towels, scented candles, a microwaveable neck wrap are stashed under the sink with a basket of meditation beads. My phone provides music.
Hidden sauna. What can you do to nurture and comfort yourself today?