by Jan McDaniel

What do you do when you need a new refrigerator? Maybe check out reputable stores or ask a friend for a recommendation? Look for sales and quality information? Go online to read reviews and peruse information that can help you make a wise purchase that will make your life easier for years to come?

Similar steps can help with any important purchase or decision, including how you handle your grieving process. How can you find a good counselor? What books and support groups might work best for you? Here are a few tips to help you with your research on grief, healing, and recovery. 

• Take your time. You may not feel like gathering information after the loss of an important person in your life. Use a journal or notebook to write down questions you want to ask or ideas about the kind of help you need. Then, on days when you feel stronger, tackle one of the following steps at a time.
•  Who can help? Think about what kind of professionals and which of your contacts might be what you need. Doctor? Mental Health professional? Family members or friends? Local clergy or support groups? Online resources? It helps to know what you are looking for before you begin your research, but know that you can change anything about your plan as you go along.
• Do something to build you your strength and sense of peace every day. These things are often simple and may not seem like they would help much, but they do. Exercise, meditation, naps, a walk in the park...the list is long. There is something for everyone.
• Look for one thing at a time. For example, if you feel a support group would be worth a try, see what is available locally by asking your doctor or local mental health center or hospital for a list of groups that meet nearby. Often these are free, divided by type of loss or type of need, and sometimes held in churches or community centers. Call the person who is listed as a contact for the group you are interested in to get a sense of what the group is about, whether it is open to new members, and other information. Give it three tries. If you go three times and feel it is not working for you, move on to the next group on your list.
• When it comes to books, counselors, or online organizations, look for these things: independent positive reviews from people who use the goods or services; three or more reliable sources that recommend these; and contacts you can email for more information. In other words, be careful who you trust. There is so much conflicting information on the Internet. It can be difficult to know what to believe. But you can always look further into what you are considering. Use advice you find if it helps you. Discard the rest.
• Libraries, Mental Health centers, and national nonprofit organizations may provide help or references.
• Look for people and groups you can trust, but trust your own instincts, too. 
• Need a place to start? Check Way for Hope's Resources page here to get started.

by Jan McDaniel

You have already started on your journey toward healing. Take the next step and connect with Way for Hope's 2021 recovery workshop. 

Telling Your Story Through Writing

Telling your own story is one of the fundamental tasks of healing. Join author Jan McDaniel in an eight-week, private workshop conducted entirely online and tailored to meet you where you are.

With over forty years of writing, editing, and publishing experience, as well as her work as a college English instructor and campus tutor, Jan can help you write your story for:

• support and healing (Work through your grief and the challenges of your new life.)
• family history (Share a written record with those closest to you.)
• memoir (Explore ways to create a full-length project or autobiography.)
• publication (Find creative and traditional outlets for your work.)
• help others (Extend what you have learned to help others experiencing heartache.)
• offer compassion and wisdom (Receive ongoing training and resource advice.) 
• develop life goals (Reach them, one step at a time.)

What can I expect in this workshop?

• ​understanding (Jan has walked this path before you and is willing to help.)
• simple guidance on how to organize ideas and how to make revisions (This includes grammar, mechanics, punctuation and form.)
• movement and self-care (Bring peace and mindfulness into your writing and your life.)
• advice for dealing with common hurdles in the aftermath of loss (Suggestions will help you deal with the unexpected.)
• sample editing (Work with Jan to discover and decide what you want to say to yourself and other people, and learn how to edit your work.)
• knowledge (Find out what publishing is like today, what options exist, and how writing is helpful in healing.)
• a way to make a difference (If writing is your calling, you will know; Jan can help you find your way.)
• a game plan (Learn how to create a plan for your future and how to make modifications after this course is over.)

​COMING SOON!
For more information or to pre-register at discounted rates, use the form below to contact Jan. Space is limited.

by Jan McDaniel

It's easy to see many of the things grief brings into a life: sorrow, confusion, loneliness, longing, change. Sometimes even trauma and fear. Perhaps wisdom, increased compassion. But there is more.

Loss brings us, ultimately, a new life. Different from the old in many ways, the new existence grows over time, with support and guidance, much like a new garden. And, much like a garden of any kind, challenges come, too. Hurdles. Difficulties. Dangers.

All of the new and the old find some kind of balance on most days. Chances to enjoy being alive, to love the people around us become clearer. Peace and acceptance are more common than sorrow. Memories bring more happiness than pain. 

What is it that grief has brought you? This might be a good question to answer in your journal. When you do, think about more than just the negative changes and hardships after loss. Look around to see what else is there. Take time to think about this. Go to a place where you can see your new world around you.

Then, take a chance on doing something new. How does that make you feel? If it doesn't work out, can you try again? 

Is there anything left in your life that makes you feel good? Grieving, like so many other things, is complex. Find your balance in the new life you have now.

Many hugs,
Jan

by Sandy Walden

Tips for difficult or significant days

There are days when the fog of grief is heavy, and the way forward may feel hidden. There are times, moments, days, or sometimes longer when overwhelm visits. This may be prompted by a day or significance – or just a tough day.


– Take a few deep… slow… calming… breaths

You see when we take those deep breaths, it slows down our heart and our mind follows. Even if it is for a short time, we get that respite. The more we practice, the more natural and easier it comes to us.
– Have a plan

Having that plan reminds us that we have a measure of control. It may be small, but it’s something and when we are grieving a loss it often feels that there is much out of our control.
That plan might be to ask a friend or companion to be beside us during a difficult time.
It could be rehearsing saying our loved one’s name out loud.
The plan might be a phone call to someone who can listen with support and compassion
Many find it helpful to map out the day or break it down to much smaller, more manageable portions of time. For instance, the afternoon, an hour, even the next few minutes.
– Know that however you feel is alright
There is no need to judge your feelings.
Feelings, emotions are simply gauges that indicate to us what is happening within.
Sad, nostalgic, joyful, or something else. There are absolutely no rules that say you must feel a specific way as you move through grief.
As you accept your feelings, you are more easily able to process and move through them. Or embrace and expand them if they feel good for you.
– Take a bit of exercise

It may be a walk or run outside. Yoga, stretching, lifting weights, or something different. It’s really about what feels good for you. Moving our body helps to move our thoughts, to shift our perspective and releases those endorphins.
– Do something kind or thoughtful for someone else
It may seem counterintuitive when we are struggling to reach out to another to offer kindness or support, but it’s powerful. It reminds us that we matter, that we can make a difference in the world that matters.
There is research that shows each time we do something for another, whether it be a gesture or even a loving word, our serotonin levels rise. This is even more of a win-win than you might imagine. Because we benefit, the one who we reach out to benefits, and even those who witness or hear about the kindness experiences a rise in serotonin.

Namaste,
Sandy

Listen to this comforting video as Sandy discusses this topic:

Holidays and Other Significant Days | Serenity - Master Grief Coach and Coaching Certification (sandywalden.com)

by Sandy Walden

Do you need someone to walk with you through grief? Life continues after loss, and this means you may experience more loss or other stressful events. Sometimes a grief coach can help.

When New Grief Experiences Happen | Serenity - Master Grief Coach and Coaching Certification (sandywalden.com)
​

by Jan McDaniel

I am an uncertain gardener. Sometimes, my herbs or flowers grow beautifully and sometimes (I’m talking to you, vegetables) the yield is not one of plenty. But I have met some interesting gardeners over the years whose predictability is the kind that enables our species to survive.

Some of these were old-time warriors who kept meticulous records of the weather on each day from planting to harvest; some just sort of felt what to do and when to do it. I’ve decided both of these types of gardeners have a special talent that runs deep enough to pass down to upcoming generations without even trying.

My husband’s mother could make plants – even a banana tree – grow in an odd assortment that could be taken up in containers for the winter. Her life was not easy, but her children received the same gift and, thankfully, my children inherited my husband’s talent for nurturing all things. I love to see this reflected in them as surely as one season follows another.

It reminds me how we are all connected, from one generation to another, the way running vines in the garden send out new, little plants that continue the traditions of their parents. Each of us has a unique place – and purpose – in the garden. And the influence of each life goes on, beyond anything we could ever calculate.

Perhaps you are planning or planting a garden this year. I hope you do. Even something as small as one tomato plant can bring lovely nourishment to your healing and wonderful thoughts of your loved one. 

May is Mental Health Month. Please remember those who suffer from mental health issues and those who continue to need hope and healing today. Find some way to share awareness and end stigma.

If you would like to participate in Annie Wilson's Healing Garden Project in honor of Mental Health Month, find the details on Instagram at #healinggardenproject. 

by Jan McDaniel

​With many people now able to travel after a long year of pandemic-related isolation, the adjustment may be unsettling. Businesses are reopening; jobs are being filled. Things are changing again. Whether you look forward to life returning to "normal" or resent the fact that your loss prevents you from getting back to the way things were, think about each step to make going back to the office or sending the kids back to in-person classes go as smoothly as possible.

​Use a notebook and calendar to write down where you need to be at what time. Make lists for menus and grocery trips. Accept only those responsibilities you must or want to complete. Think about the needs of your family members. Budget your time as well as your money and energy.

The best plans may not always be enough. Unexpected stress often makes change necessary. Knowing this helps. Try self-talk to keep your mind focused on something that can help, a quote or song that keeps you motivated, a pep-talk, or the most important truth of all: you can do this.

Even survivors who have done a lot of healing and griefwork sometimes feel "thrown" back to earlier days. That is normal. Reach out for support when you need it. Make an appointment with a friend or your counselor. Talk to your doctor. Find a group whose members understand loss.

Put yourself on your "Care" list. Your needs are important. Get enough rest. Take time to eat, hydrate, and exercise. Spend a few minutes on a calming technique: listening to music, meditating, practicing yoga. The things that help you relax are also the things that provide the energy you will need for the days ahead.

Maybe you are uncertain about taking that trip or visiting relatives or friends. Pack your essential self-care tools (things that have worked for you in the past) and schedule time for yourself during your stay. Being prepared (cell phone charger, directions, tickets, snacks, water, medications, emergency numbers) really do make a difference in your ability to handle a return to things you did in the past. 

Practice safety measures while you travel including wearing masks and social distancing where required. Try a solo adventure or bring a trusted friend along. With your escape plan (what you will do if you feel overwhelmed) in hand, you are ready.

A change of scenery can do you good.

Hugs,
Jan
​

by Sandy Walden

"I believe our purpose continues to evolve as we do." Visit Sandy's blog to explore your own purpose. Loss really makes us evaluate our lives, both before and after we lose a loved one. It makes us aware of what we need or want to do. And loss impacts those decisions. 

Purpose – What is Your Purpose? | Serenity - Master Grief Coach and Coaching Certification (sandywalden.com)

Holidays bring memories from the past that remind survivors life has changed. Special days cannot be the same without those we long to see. Dealing with this during your grief is important. And while avoidance, is one way to handle holidays, it is almost impossible to avoid sights and sounds of the season. A better choice is to plan ways to face pain and deal with it. 

One idea involves other people. If there are family members or friends you want to include in your plans or children you want to provide a somewhat normal holiday experience for, think about what would be comfortable for you. Perhaps you could hide Easter eggs for your grandchildren before Easter weekend. Or send greeting cards instead of hosting an extended family dinner. 

Try something different from what you did before your loss. But it is also okay to find comfort in old traditions. Follow your heart, and you will find moments of peace. Whatever you decide, it is your decision. Others may mean well, but you are not obligated to do things that seem like too much. On the other hand, as time goes by, explore how you feel. You may change your mind and want to prepare food or enjoy a dinner hosted by a friend as you  heal.

After each holiday, assess your reactions. You may need a day or two to rest, but take time at some point to write down how you handled the holiday, what you felt. and what you wish you had done differently. Use these notes the next time a holiday rolls around. 

You can also include special ways to remember your loved one, either on your own or with others. A simple walk or candle lighting, a memorial project, or something else can help you honor the love you shared with that person. That love mattered, and it still exists. 

Many hugs,
​Jan